All of us have negative thoughts and behaviours — things we wish we didn’t think or do. But stopping these patterns can be extremely difficult. Often, these patterns are so ingrained or we’re so ashamed of them, we’re not even sure why we do them in the first place.

Fortunately, there is a powerful NLP technique to help us understand what is behind the thoughts and behaviours that are causing us difficulty, so that we can more resourceful ways of being.

Here’s the technique…

1. Identify what it is that’s troubling you — the thought pattern or behaviour pattern that is not serving you. Sometimes just the act of naming it can be a very liberating step. Be willing to say what it is.

2. Invite whatever is behind the troubling thought or behaviour pattern to have a conversation with you. Be welcoming and kind to it. If you’re like many, you’ve been avoiding or hiding this part of yourself for so long, that it can be difficult to get it to speak. Let it know that it is welcome to speak — you want to understand.

3. Ask this question first: “What do you want?  What positive thing are you trying to do for me?” Really listen for the response. Get to know why this negative pattern is so persistent. This question stems from one of NLP’s most powerful assumptions: all behaviour comes from a place of positive intention.

4. Ask it if it can come up with three alternative ways to get the desired outcome.

5. Ask how acceptable these alternative solutions are to this part of you that is behind your negative patterns. Are there any it would be willing to try for at least a month? If the answer is no, ask for more alternatives.

6. Once you’ve reached an agreement, try the new behaviour for at least a month.  Check back in as necessary.

Often, the shame and aversion with which we regard our negative patterns is more problematic than the pattern itself.  The above technique helps you reframe the way you see it, so that you understand the positive intention behind it.  This can free you to make new agreements with yourself that achieve your desired results without so much collateral damage.

How have you reframed negative patterns in your life?

For more information on how learning NLP can dramatically improve your life, professional pursuits, and relationships, read our groundbreaking FREE ebook, “Resourceful Living: How NLP Can Improve Your Seven Life Streams” at EvolutionTraining.co.uk/ResourcefulLife.

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Roger Terry

Director of Training and Coaching at Evolution Training Ltd
Roger Terry is one of the world’s leading experts on applying NLP to drive excellence both professionally and personally. Roger leads seminars and consults with companies all over the world, including in the UK, USA, Europe and Middle East. He is the author of several books, including The Hidden Art of Interviewing, NLP and Qualitative Research, NLP for Teachers and The NLP Toolkit.