Stop being your own worst enemy!

How many times have you heard something like this either from a friend, a partner or from your own internal critic. 

When we grew up, we created an internal map of our perceived reality. The prime function of this map was to help us feel safe. This map was made by interactions in whatever version of ‘family’ we grew up in.

Unfortunately, all maps have flaws and may not have the capacity to hold the changes we desire. Under some conditions this can cause us to feel unsafe at an unconscious level. When this happens, we resist whatever the force is that is pushing us to change. Even if that is our own conscious attempts to do or be different for good reasons.

Resistance creates stress

This resistance causes stress in your system. The result is failure to bring about the change we desire. Good examples of this are times when you have tried to give up something: chocolate, cigarettes, alcohol, TV and then failed.

The internal resistance to changing the pattern is born (however misguided) from the original unconscious safety demands of your map. The work of changing something can quickly become a fight with oneself and then the stress level goes up. We tend to put our focus outward onto the thing we are trying to change, and the stress goes up another notch and we eventually give up or fail our attempt to upgrade ourselves and so enrich our map.

What can you do to help in the process of making shifts without triggering that resistance in you? First it takes a clear intention to develop self-awareness and the willingness to be patient yet persistent.

Here are some ways to begin to get a grip on this and eliminate the battle.

• – Relax and let go of trying to be in control
• – Take your focus off what is triggering the resistance
• – Have an attitude of watchful curiosity

You can say to yourself “I am experiencing and feeling ‘X’ I must be resisting something” Then pay attention and observe your bodily sensations, emotions and thoughts with curiosity.

• – Do the sensations move? If so, which way do they move?
• – What emotions am I experiencing? Are they repeating?
• – Are my thoughts negative or positive? Do these thoughts repeat?

As you practice this kind of attention your discomfort will subside. Then you can become aware of the specific pattern and from your new point of view use specific tools to upgrade your map with consciousness.
Is it time for you to upgrade yourself?