The Art of Being A Brilliant Communicator

In the fourth part of our article we examine the power of words. We acquired our native language unconsciously and we were able to speak way before many of our other skills developed. As such, we take it for granted and our words just seem to arrive at our mouth pre-determined by the patterns and models we were exposed to as we grew up. Whilst we learn grammar and syntax at school to write creatively, and yet there is a structure deep in the language we use that stimulates and stirs in our mind relationships, pictures, sounds, and feelings. Even small seemingly insignificant words can produce unconscious mindsets that deliver behaviours.

With a little understanding and conscious effort, we can make some small shifts in how we use certain words and greatly increase our influence and effectiveness.

Mistake 4: Using the right words in the wrong places

When we were young, we learned to put our words together so that they would make sense to others; how to spell, how to use grammar, and many other nuances of language. In the NLP Diploma Programme you will become aware that it is not just spelling, sequencing, and grammatical rigour which gives power to your words; in fact it’s the words themselves and what they do in our mind that makes the difference.

“What did I say?”

Let’s look at three of the worst culprits. Although they are very simple day-to-day words, they have a very particular effect on communication. These words are particularly important when managing people and teams, as they can make the difference between actions being taken or not.

If: Instantly sets up choice in the other person’s mind. Although this may be exactly what you want, consider the following question ‘I wonder if you could write that report’. As soon as you use the word ‘if’, in the other person’s mind the opportunity is generated to make the choice whether to do what you asked them to do or not.

But: Simply negates anything before it: ‘I hear what you say but I still think I am right”. Of course ‘but’ may be useful if someone says something negative about themselves. You can say ‘but’ and then give them a positive. On the other hand, when dealing with people what we are really doing is managing the knowledge, skills, and information that they have. As a consequence, using the word ‘but’ whenever they make a suggestion has the effect at an unconscious level of slowing or stopping their creative processes. Over time their unconscious minds learn not to generate ideas or solutions because every time they do the ideas are negated and they are dis-respected by the overuse of ‘but’.

Try: This word has failure built into it. Imagine for a moment trying to get a report out on time – does anything happen? It seems that even with your best efforts, as long as you only try to make it, pretty nothing much will happen, or, at best, it will make it much more difficult to accomplish. This word is peppered throughout our language.

This is just the start. On the NLP Diploma Programme you will learn how to use the power of words to create positive’ yes’ responses to move a person from ‘can’t’ to ‘will’ – these are some of the hidden secrets of our language. Now you can learn how to use these for yourself so that you can dispatch MISTAKE FOUR.

download-5-mistakes-report

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Roger Terry

Director of Training and Coaching at Evolution Training Ltd
Roger Terry is one of the world’s leading experts on applying NLP to drive excellence both professionally and personally. Roger leads seminars and consults with companies all over the world, including in the UK, USA, Europe and Middle East. He is the author of several books, including The Hidden Art of Interviewing, NLP and Qualitative Research, NLP for Teachers and The NLP Toolkit.